When I was young, I was dreaming to play the piano and to devote my life helping people. But then I decided that I can’t. That I am «not enough». That it is necessary to live the life in a way others are telling me, because all the other options are exist only in a fairy tales. Then I came up with a lot of stories and merged with them. I’ve merge with a story of an unloved abandoned child, with a story of a betrayal and loss, with a story of a strong woman which everyone want to offend so have to defend herself and work hard to survive.
It is amazing how we can pass away from our life while being alive, how we can be gone to live in our mind and imagination, in our pain and imaginary inferiority. At the same time, the truth is always near - it is within us, while we are looking for it everywhere outside. And then we begin to be attracted by others who are sick as well, other who hold a similar hole in the heart, so we could begin to suffer together even more. But this is the only way we can meet our pain – to see it in a reflection of other. Through the right approach to this pain we met, sooner or later we understand how to treat it.
How the pain and a hole in the heart are formed? Through suppressed emotions and unspoken words. Through the denial of a particular experience and situation. And if you will have a look into all the psychotherapeutic methods, at all philosophies, teachings and traditions, at all types of healing, then you will see that they have one simple rule in between: go down, go there where it is the most scary and painful for you. Learn from this pain, let it guide you and teach you. Do not deny it, do not hide from it. Do not be silent, cry and shout if you want. Accept this experience and live it all the way to the end. It won’t last long. Denial will be much longer and painful. Go down to the very depths of your subconscious, surrender to this black hole of your fears and you will see - there is nothing behind it. You are struggling with nothing, creating tension nowhere, while missing the only one existing moment which is called «now».
During all the many studies and trainings I done, with a great regret and, at the same time, admiration I was looking into human strength, I was watching the way how really cool and beautiful people were extinguish themselves. With an absolutely identical stories, but certainly with a sense of uniqueness of their own suffering.
And here is the only one question appears - for how long we will remain exchanging our life, which is beautiful and becomes shorter every second, for a dream of life?